July 5th 2012
It has been an eventful few days. I wonder how Tammy thinks up these things. Not really what I expected but I’m at it with all my heart. If it doesn’t fry me then I guess I’ll survive.
So Tammy’s had us sit and write out all the things that make us so freaking angry when we think of the men in our lives. I scribbled so hard I was afraid that my pen would break under the pressure. The flow of thoughts was amazing. I wondered if I had really been that screwed up! By the time I was through I was all sweaty. With a satisfied look I dropped the pen and slouched on the chair!!
Suddenly the smile disappeared as I noticed the worried look on the faces of my girlfriends. A slideshow flashback of the graphic images of the different contortions of my face as I had scribbled down my thoughts flashed before my eyes and I couldn’t blame them. I must have looked…well, almost crazy to say the least!!!
‘Done?’ Tammy asked
‘Yes, I’m done!’
‘So what do we do with it?’ Tina asked
Tammy pointed at the waste bin.
‘We just throw it in there?’ Ng asked with a voice that sounded like she was about to cry.
‘Yes! No point keeping the record anymore!’
I let out a deep sigh. Stood up and walked up to the waste bin.
Standing there I saw five years rolled up in those sheets of paper, five blissful and tragic years; five years of learning to trust and unlearning it, five years of trying to make things work, five years of second guessing myself, five years gone.
I felt like I’d been hit by an avalanche. In a few minutes I was on my knees sobbing like a two year old.
Everything was a blur of tears. I could feel the weight of a thousand years on my shoulder… and I was angry with Tammy for making me do it, angry with Tunde for wasting my time, angry with myself for letting him, angry and yet I was to throw that all away…
I watched the rolled up sheets slide into the bin…I felt so sober…my mouth felt dry…I sat silent on the floor. I felt hands on my shoulder and a gentle voice cooing into my ears…
‘It is okay Lizzy! You’ll be okay!!’
I wondered if I ever would be.
I wondered what Tunde was doing right now while I lay crumpled on the floor. Probably at a bar or at dinner with Dianne; wherever he was, he definitely wasn’t on the floor. So I got up.
Soibi Atuonye is a master’s student at the Department of Economics University of Nigeria, Nsukka. She runs a wedding planning outfit (Aurora 7 Complete Touch) on the side. Witty, funny and insightful, she sees the world through a window that is sure to get you laughing, crying, thinking and smiling.