A Pastor baptised Akpos and dipped his head in water 3 times; as he did so, he said:
Pastor: You are baptised. You are a new creation, old things have passed away. No more alcoholic beverages for you. Your new name is Jacob.
Jacob headed back home and hit the refrigerator. He took a bottle of Harp Lager beer, dipped it in water 3 times and said:
Apkos/Jacob: You are now a new creation, old things have passed away. Behold, you are now Orange juice!
He then proceeded to take a huge gulp- Jacob is drinking Orange juice.
Akpos is hurrying to the Exam Hall. He has a Plumber in tow.
Examiner: Akpos! Why did you bring a Plumber to the Exam Hall?
Akpos: [Genuinely perplexed] Sir! I heard the exam questions were leaking. Should I have brought a Mason too?
Its Akpos’s birthday. His course mate sends him a birthday text message.
Course Mate: HBD Dude. LLNP, TTYL.
Akpos: [Enraged, replies] what is the meaning of all these silly abbreviations?
Course Mate: [Texting] ah! Bush man! HBD-Happy Birthday; LLNP-Long Life and Prosperity; TTYL- Talk to You Later!
Akpos: Types ‘TFYT’ and fires off another text message.
Course Mate: [Calls] what does TFYT mean nah?
Akpos: [In gales of laughter] oh! You don’t know what it means bah? TFYT= Thunder Fire You There!!!
Teacher: Amaka, what’s your future ambition?
Amaka: I am going to be a multi-billionaire business woman.
Teacher: That is amazing. Akpos, you?
Akpos: I am going to be Amaka’s husband.
© 2012 – 2017, Jennifer Nkem-Eneanya. All rights reserved.