May 8th, 1999
Learning to be totally dependent was a tough lesson. She was forced to learn and it sure didn’t bring out the best in her.
Flipping through her journal, she read the entry on May 2nd…
Today was truly trying. I had to wait for Bolaji to get done with feeding Laolu; clean him up and get him to take his routine siesta before I could get his full attention. Sitting on the couch staring at the television didn’t make it easier.
Dearest secret Keeper,
I need you, I can’t go to the bathroom without help. Bolaji still gives me a bath…at least I get to arrange my hair and do my make-up myself.
I don’t quite feel you here today.
Your baby, just tired.
Hmm, she sighed as she snapped the journal close and threw it on the reading table. The flashback seemed to help fuel the worst depression. Stretching to pick a book from the top layer of the shelf, she momentarily forgot her status and put her full weight on both legs, the pain was severe.
Kevwe opened her mouth really wide and screamed. With each note in that burst of energy, came anger, anger at the scenes from the flash back of the accident, anger at the cast, anger at herself and everything; as she held on to the shelf to keep from falling.
Bolaji burst into the room. ‘Baby, ki lo de? He asked. ‘Did you fall? Did you hit your leg?’ as he gently held her close. She shook her head, as tears filled her eyes; a recurrent occurrence these last few weeks…’I am tired of all this’, pointing to the cast, ‘I don’t want it,’ she wailed. ‘Do you still think I am pretty?’ Her eyes filled with pain, as she searched his face. She murmured, ‘Do you?’
Cupping her face in his hands, he replied, ‘You are pretty, Baby, and I still think so,’ as he kissed the tip of her nose.
‘You go on, check on our baby and see what he’s up to. I’ll be fine, ok?’ she grimaced as she pulled herself from his embrace and his searching eyes. Searching her face, his eyes full of worry.
‘Go on’, she gently shoved him. ‘I am okay, now.’
Reaching for her journal on the reading table, she wrote:
Dearest Secret Keeper,
I need you to help me pull through this. I can’t do it all by myself. Bolaji is ever so helpful, but my mood swings are tough on him too. The pain is unbearable some days. I want the scars on my face totally out and the cast off sooner than the 3 months timeline…Jehovah Rapha, please heal me. I thank You always.
A beautiful lady,
Making her way slowly down the stairs with a crutch, she resolved not to let the fracture keep her depressed.
To be continued…